Unhappy Player – Has no intention of leaving his current club until he sees the pound signs

Happy Player – Has no intention of leaving his current club until he sees the pound signs

Has Signed A Three Year Contract – Will earn silly money until someone offers more or I can tell the press that my family is unhappy

Dream Move – I can sit on the bench here and win things, or … my name is Fernando and I’m going to take lots of money to move to a club with no history who will soon be beneath the one I’m leaving

Signing On Fee – Will take a huge chunk up front because it will not be long before fans and management realise their mistake and offload from a big money contract

In Talks With – Said player’s agent has pimped him out to every league known to man, and this is the only club yet to respond

Has Been Seen At The Airport – Is away on International Duty

Undisclosed Fee – We are too ashamed to admit how much we paid for this player in the likely case that he flops

Undergoing A Medical – Club Doctors are busy looking after injured players and will rush to away in the unlikely event of a deal being struck

Transfer Deadline – We decided to change our mind at the last minute and sell this overpaid prima-donna after all

Sky Sports Understands – Jim White has had another on screen coronary

Signing For My Boyhood Club – I am Robbie Keane

The Much Travelled Striker – I am Robbie Keane

After A Loan Spell – I am Robbie Keane

Rohan Kallicharan

I am the editor of hetoreahamstring.co.uk and also have a personal site at rohankallicharan.co.uk. I am passionate about all sports and would probably pay over the odds from a tout to watch the world tiddlywinks final. I was fortunate to grow up inside the dressing room of the legendary West Indian cricket team of the 1970/80s - this has, I hope, given me a real insight into sport as a whole and the mindset of successful sportsmen. I played cricket and rugby at representative level as a youth, and also have a UK College Bowl winning medal in American Football! My real passions are West Indian cricket and Liverpool Football Club but I will write about much more! I hope you enjoy the site.

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